Archive for the ‘Relationships & Sex’ Category

Ran across this article posting online and wanted to share. BEWARE of jealousy!

http://www.thirdage.com/infidelity/jealousy-side-effects

This is one of the biggest secrets to finding and keeping a good life partner. It not only boils down to what you do, but how you think.

Here’s what happened.

Some time ago, in my 30’s I had a best friend who spent nearly 2 years single. She used to wake up in the morning, leave her expensive house, get into her sports car and drive to her successful engineering business. After work, she went to the health club on her way home, exercised, played squash etc. Often men looked her way and were friendly towards her. Yet she never dated for months on end.

What’s wrong with this picture?

She had left a painful relationship, where she had been rejected by her partner daily. So she believed, that no-one would ever love her again, because she was not worth it. This belief came true in her life.

She just didn’t think that there was someone out there, interested in her. This of course made it right.

Was it because she was unattractive? Hardly, she had a good build, clear skin, was fit and healthy, and even though she didn’t look like Angelina Jolie, she certainly was far from ugly.

Was it because she was financially insecure? No, she owned a good business, drove a fancy car and lived in a big house with a view.

So there was nothing physically, causing her problem. It was all in her mind.

Hey, it gets worse. After some counseling and reading lots of books, she actually got to go and take some action to meet some new people. Then when she did find someone, guess how that worked out.

You see, deep down, she still had that limiting attitude, that she was really fortunate to get anyone at all that wanted to be with her. They sensed it like sharks smelling blood in the water. Describing it as that she partnered up with a predator, would have been an understatement.

The person she attracted, was a gold digger, having no scruples about sleeping with whoever he felt like. Was it his fault, yes BUT it was more her fault. She realized that she allowed it to happen in her mind first. She believed that this was the best she could achieve and had to accept that behavior to actually have anyone in her life at all.

Eventually the boundaries of even her twisted logic broke, when the man came back after being with another woman, drunk and threatening to stab her with a kitchen knife.

How could she allow it to get that far? Easy, she didn’t understand that She had choices. When she realized that even being alone again was better than my present situation, she did get out of that relationship.

Cutting a long story short, the whole issue was her having the wrong belief system.

It took some time, but eventually, she accepted that Ishe was actually OK, and a lot of men could do far worse than to be in a relationship with her. She now also understood, that there were actually many thousands of potential partners for her.

As soon as she started believing this, it was as though some flood gates had opened. She kept running into potential partners at every turn, and she was off the singles scene very quickly.

All she did differently was that she had now accepted that there is actually a complete abundance in our universe. An abundance of suitable people. It was her choice, to accept or reject this fact. That made the difference. Now her physical actions could lead her to her true desires.

My external surroundings had not changed much, Physically she was the same (except getting a bit older, and not much wiser), but her life had turned 180 degrees. Because she allowed it to. She let her mind accept that anything is possible, and nothing could stand in the way of a strong enough belief.

But, only severe pain brought about this realization.

You can avoid the pain. Understand the above, you have many choices now. They will let you do things in more positive ways. Realize, that life will end up teaching you either way, let it be a pleasant instead of painful lesson.

In conclusion, imagine it, believe it, and see what happens.

Remember, keep on loving

- Sharon

So you think that your partner might be cheating you? Why do you think that? Why not try this small quiz and find out the truth? A quiz is always very helpful in finding the truth. The quiz questions are simple such as- Does your partner not love you? Does he/she not share the expenses? Do they look at others and try to give flirting signs even if they are with you? Are they keeping relations with their ex even now? Or is it just a felling that you are being cheated either physically or emotionally? Let us take this quiz and find the truth.

Quiz sixth sense-

Many times, the feeling that we are being cheated is itself an evidence of something going wrong. Our sixth sense tells us that. Our conscious mind may fail to take the hints but the subconscious will do. So while taking this quiz don’t ignore the inner signals.

Quiz cheating patterns-

Did you find your partner talking to somebody on phone and then disconnect the phone as soon as they saw you? Is your partner wary of sharing the mail password with you? Are you finding that their cell phone bills are more than normal? Do they go out without informing you and make some excuse when you ask? Are any outside business trips involved? What about late work at the office? Or unscheduled work related meetings? Do they look at you eye to eye while talking? Or avoid talking and walk around while talking? Do you hear telephone bell and when you pick up the phone, line goes dead?

Quiz and get the truth-

These are some of the signs that something might be wrong? Not necessarily cheating. Why not quiz your partner and find the truth? Quizzing point by point will surely tell you the truth.

- Sharon

Relationships generally begin when both people are in the “Alone Stage,” although I am aware that often affairs begin when one or both partners are involved with someone else. It is my contention that relationships have a greater chance of success when both parties have spent some time alone and unconnected with a lover.

What does a person do with this time alone? If you are interested in creating the relationship you deserve, then you must become the best person you can be. Each successive relationship we engage in provides us with lessons and information we need to reflect upon. If we are attracting the “wrong” people into our lives, then perhaps it is because we are not the person we need to be in order to create a relationship with the person of our dreams.

This also means that each “wrong” person we attract into our lives is exactly the right person we need to teach us the lesson we need to get to move closer to the person we truly want. This is why I never look back at any relationships I have had with regret. Maybe not in the moment, but over time, I have come to understand that I learned valuable lessons in each of my past relationships and I grew, which then helped me become a better person.

Whenever we find ourselves in between relationships, it is not a time to longingly wish for the next partner to arrive. It is not the time to go out “prowling” for the next person to make you complete. The time between relationships is a very important healing time. It is a time to look back on the past relationship to discover what that person was there to teach you about life, love and yourself. It’s a time of introspection to determine who you want to be in a relationship. I’m not talking about playing roles but I am talking about a genuine transformation of yourself into the person who deserves the relationship you seek.

No one dreams their entire life about meeting a mediocre partner—someone who thinks of them sometimes, who loves them a little and takes care of some of their needs. No one looks to get involved in relationships with people who lie, cheat and disrespect them. No one asks for verbal or physical abuse in a relationship. So how can we break the pattern of choosing the same type of person over and over again? I believe the key is to look at each relationship as the perfect relationship you needed at that point in time and then go about attempting to figure out what it was about the person that made him or her perfect for you during that period in your life.

Once you figure this out, you will have learned a valuable lesson. If you take that lesson and put it to use in your life, then you have one half of the equation.

The other half is about preparing yourself to be the kind of person who will attract the relationship of your dreams. If you are seeking a person to be loyal and to stand by you no matter what, then ask yourself the difficult question of whether or not you have those same traits and characteristics you seek. If there is something in your character that has caused you to be disloyal, then do some introspection to learn what you need to heal in order to become the person you truly want to be.

Relationships only act as a mirror, showing us those things about ourselves we don’t want to see. When we welcome the information and seek to learn from it, doing so will move us closer in the direction of becoming who we want to be.

It also helps during this alone time to take an inventory of the traits, qualities and characteristics we want in our “perfect mate.” It is far more likely that we will attract the person we want when we become crystal clear about exactly what we are looking for. My list included having someone to love me for who I am, not in spite of who I am. I wanted a partner with loyalty, integrity, honesty, good looks, intelligence, a sense of humor, romance and availability (not involved with someone else). I wanted a man who was strong but gentle, decisive but sensitive and confident without being conceited. I wanted someone with whom I shared common interests and someone who didn’t feel the need to control me or compete with me. Guess what? After I was clear about what I was looking for, the “perfect” person for me walked into my life.

Another thing I find extremely helpful during the “Along Stage” is to remember that you are perfect just the way you are. You are totally complete without a significant person to share your life. So often, in the Along Stage, we are focusing on our lack, instead of our abundance. We look at the one thing we don’t have, a romance, and waste the time we have been given feeling sorry for ourselves instead of putting the gift of time to use for the betterment of mankind in our own unique way.

In conclusion I say, first allow yourself alone time. Don’t be in such a hurry to jump into the next relationship before processing the last one. Take time to analyze the lesson in your past relationship(s). Use the alone time to search introspectively to assess whether or not you are the person you need to be to allow the person you seek to come into your life. And finally, focus not on your lack of relationship, but rather on what you can do to help others during this time.

Used wisely, your alone time can truly make an incredible difference in the way you experience your next relationship. Don’t short change yourself. Maximize and leverage the time you have been given between relationships. It is truly a gift.

- Sharon

Seems like over half my clients want to know about how to get themselves in a good relationship – well, let’s take a peak at the basics of starting a relationship with others.(This is also known as “building rapport” with others.)

In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask questions, have a positive, open attitude, encourage an open exchange of communications (both verbal and unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and share positive feedback.

Here are important details on each step:

1. Ask Questions

Building rapport is similar to interviewing someone for a job opening or it can be like a reporter seeking information for an article.

Relax and get to know the other person with a goal of finding common ground or things of interest. You can begin by simply commenting on the other persons choice of attire, if in person, or about their computer, if online, and following up with related questions.

For example, in person, you could compliment the other person on their color choice and or maybe a pin, ring or other piece of jewelry and ask where it came from.

In online communications, you could compliment the other persons font, smile faces or whatever they use, mention that the communication style seems relaxed and ask if he or she writes a lot.

Then basically follow up, steering clear of topics that could entice or cause arguing, while gradually leading the person to common ground youd like to discuss.

2. Attitude

Have a positive attitude and leave social labels at home (or in a drawer, if youre at home). Many people can tell instantly if you have a negative attitude or if you feel superior. So treat other people as you would like to be treated. And give each person a chance.

3. Open Exchange

Do encourage others to share with you. Some people are shy, scared or inexperienced in communicating and welcome an opportunity to share. So both with body language and verbal communication invite an exchange. Face the other person with your arms open, eyes looking into theirs gently (not glaring or staring), and encourage a conversation with a warm smile.

4. Listen

Be an active listener. Dont focus your thoughts on what YOU will say next. Listen to what the other person is saying and take your clues from there, while also noting the body language.

For example, if the other person folds his arms and sounds upset, you may need to change the subject or let him have some space and distance; maybe even try approaching him later on and excusing yourself to go make a phone call (of head to the buffet table or somewhere to escape).

On the other hand, if the other person is leaning towards you, following your every word and communicating with your as if you were old friends, BINGO. Youve built rapport!

5. Share People like compliments

So hand them out freely without over doing it. Leaving a nice part of yourself like a compliment is a good memory for the other person to recall – numerous times. Thats good rapport. But do be sincere! False compliments arent easily disguised.

Any other ideas? What’s worked for you? Let me know.

To your success!

- Sharon

This week I’ve been doing some reorganizing in my life. Cleaning up the nest, setting my sites on the future and making plans to go in new directions. One of the things that I’ve done is sent out a new survey to all of my readers asking how I can best help THEM right now. If you haven’t seen it, please go to the Survey now and let me know what’s on your mind. What do you most need from me to get to those dreams you have? Another way that I am opening myself up to change is to offer a Q&A time radio show this week on Blog Talk Radio. Just call me on Thursday 5/21 between 1 and 2pm CST at (347) 327-9393 and I’ll see what I can do to get you on the air with me. What are you struggling with? Is it business? Money? A relationship? Let me know. I want to be sure that I am helping as many of you as I possibly can so, please, help me out by telling me what you need most in your life now.

Thank you – have a GREAT week!

Sharon

I’ve added some new photos to my blog to show you all how happy and exciting this time is for me and my family. I hope you’ll enjoy them.